Musical Chairs & Piano Keys

Do you remember playing musical chairs as a kid; walking 'round and 'round in a circle until the music stopped and then scrambling to find a seat amidst the commotion?  My life seems very similar to this right now.   

 
I feel as if I'm standing alone as the music in this dance called life has abruptly stopped.  However, because I have a relationship with the Music Maker, I know God is with me, to guide & teach me, even when this life deeply hurts. 


So many situations are going on, I feel as if I'm riding a roller coaster.  I could do this and that in an effort to fix some of the issues at hand, yet some things are totally out of my control.  His Word encourages me and says, "and after you have done everything, to stand."   Okay ... but, what does that mean - to stand?? 

1. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist (Eph. 6:14)
2. You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free (John. 8:32)
3. Once you are free, you are free indeed (John 8:36)
4. Stand firm and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Gal. 5:1)

I read yesterday about the keys on a piano.  If we liken life as to piano keys, we could think of the white keys as joyful and the black keys like sorrow.  Any musician knows that the black notes make music too.  The black notes are used to play songs too.  God is indeed the Music Maker and because of the relationship we have with Him, we can be assured that He will work together all things for good to and for those that love Him. 





And back to those memories of musical chairs and comparing it to life, walking in what feels like the same circle over and over.  And then, that unexpected moment when the music abruptly stops playing and chaos breaks out as everyone struggles over a chair.  I find that if I turn my eyes away from the chaos, I notice that not too far off in the distance, a place has been prepared for me; over by still waters and green meadows, a chair, just for me, has been left open with promises of rest. 

It is from this resting place, I will once again listen for the music...

 

Memories of First's

As we rapidly approach the one year anniversary of Jay's death, my emotions continue to overtake me at times.  I pause to reflect throughout this past year and ponder all the beauty has happened upon our lives.  I think about how much I've grown, and how much more compassion my heart has grown to feel. I also think about the quiet stillness of 4:00 am and how no one else hears the ticking of the clock and the sorrow my heart knows at that hour.  It seems some days continue to be like that, birthdays, anniversary's, holidays, and the like.  I'm told the first year is the hardest...time will surely tell. 

As I write here today, I'm remembering some "FIRST'S" of my own.  I remember the first year of each of the boys lives.  As a young, teenage mother, it was hard to give up a lifestyle of self, but the precious little boys I held in my arms made that change relatively easy.  The first tooth, the first haircut, the first night away as they slept at Grandma's, the first day of school ... All of these first's were monumental days for me as I remember my children's younger years.

Now, the first year of marriage. wow.  I've had a few of those.  LOL.  Respectively speaking though, they were all hard.  Getting to know the man you've dated in a WHOLE NEW WAY.  But, they do mold you; shape you; condition you; in beautiful ways.   

Here we are currently:  the first year without Jay.   The first year my children have gone without their biological father.  Death does strange things to people.  Sometimes it causes people called friends to back away and sometimes it mixes people you hardly know into closer relationships with you.  There have been days I've acted crazy.  Literally.  There have been days I've been so angry that I've probably caused those friends to back away.  And for that, I'm sorry.  I've read everything I can get my hands on and I've found that I don't have the answers; I don't think anyone does.  However, I've found there is a common thread.  Experts say the first year is the hardest and we're almost there.

It may sound a bit contrite to be thankful here, but I am.  I have to be.  I have a wonderful family whose support is like no other.  My husband Andy deserves a 'Husband of the Year' award for the unmerited grace and understanding he has extended to a grieving woman over her ex-husband.  My children, who are personally experiencing their own hurts, have loved me even more for the dinners I just couldn't fix, family meetings that began because of dirty dishes that turned into tears of thankfulness because there were dirty dishes there in the first place, and the times they've caught me peeking in on them throughout the night but didn't complain.  I'm thankful for a church family that loves me unconditionally and provides a safe place where I can heal.  But most of all, I'm thankful for a loving, forgiving God, who has given me strength to endure trials and grace to receive forgiveness when I mess up.    

Thankful for the EACH

Well, now that my entire blog has re-routed to my Facebook page...again, I guess its time for a current update. When I woke up this morning and y'all were commenting on stories that I had written on my blog...I freaked a little.  I thought I had unlinked my blog with FB awhile back.  But, as I went back and began to re-read all those writings, I was moved.  There is something about writing that helps me.

Each story, each moment, each time I sit down to write it helps me focus.  By saying that, I guess I am saying that I'm thankful for what I've been through; each valley, each mountain top, each death, each life, and each person I've had the chance to cross paths with along the way.

Maybe not thankful at the moment to be going through the emotions, but many times, after the pain subsides, there lies each beauty and each purpose. I read this short story the other day. I think it describes beautifully the value in the EACH. Sometimes when we get caught-up our life, God uses something to help us remember things that are truly important.  

The value of the each... _____________________________________________________________________

She was young, only about 8, when in the midst of a normal school day, a girl named Anne turned around from the desk in front of her and spoke these words matter-of-factly… 

“My mom left us today.”
 
Unsure of what to do with such personal information, Rebecca’s young mind began to process what her classmate had shared. 

After asking her enough questions to understand that the abandonment would be permanent, she eyeballed Anne’s long, thick hair and wondered many things about what her mom leaving them might mean. 

It was then that Rebecca asked the question most near to her very innocent female heart. 

“But who will brush your hair, everyday?” 

Young Anne shrugged her small shoulders, as if resigned to something she’d already thought about. 

Ever the caretaker, Rebecca wouldn’t accept that this important task might not get done and her friend would come to school without the proper grooming. 

So she decided to step in. “I’ll tell you what,” she said to her friend. “Why don’t you bring a brush to school in your book bag, and I’ll brush your hair for you?” 

And that’s exactly what her friend, Anne, did. Everyday. For years. Rebecca brushed her hair, in the absence of her mother.

_____________________________________________________________________

We can do great things that will many people will notice. We can give huge amounts of money or sing a beautiful song. But who among us will serve in the trenches? Who will care for the people with no names? Who will brush a little girls hair? 

There is value in each person.  Today I am thankful for each!