Through much prayer, we changed churches. Hard as it was to leave familiar friends and family we had called home for almost 20 years, we felt God moving us. However, because I had never experienced this change first hand, I was not prepared for the emotional wrecking that came along with a decision like this. There is a sense of well being that comes from 'belonging' to a place, and as that became unsettled, a compassion for those those who have experienced 'church change' before began to birth. Gulp -- I never knew there were so many emotions. Walking into different churches, AS A VISITING CHRISTIAN, there were times I felt like a church whore. And, truthfully, where can you share those raw, honest feelings? Your intent is not to hurt anyone; not the precious people at the church you left, nor the precious people who are doing their best to welcome you at the church you are visiting, so you don't share, you can't share, you won't share...
With all these swirling emotions and changes occurring in my life, there was yet one constant: my God didn't change. Each day He woke me up and we communed together. He assured me through His Word that He had plans for my life, that His future plans were good and hope filled. He promised He would restore the joy of my salvation. He started a good work in me almost 20 years ago and the book says He is faithful to complete it. Friends, I believe He is doing just that.
It may seem like it has been a quiet season. Maybe there hasn't been as much visual surface growth as I'd have liked, but I believe under the surface, there is a stirring. A year and a half ago, I wrote a blog entitled Field of Dreams about a reoccurring dream I had about a field being burnt off. As I reread that blog, with tears in my eyes, it is apparent God uses painful experiences to take me deeper in teaching me about compassion. I read the words there, "I never knew..." and realized I had written those exact words here in this blog as well. He is teaching me, growing me, stretching me and through prayer, grace and love I will grow.
I feel I've been through a lot in my 39 years of living. It is my desire to become better, not bitter; humble, not proud; patient and kind, not jealous or rude. I realize I have a long way to go but I also realize, that I am on a great track. Thank you, dear friends, for loving me, through all the stuff!
