Strength

STRENGTH, OR THE APPEARANCE OF IT, SOMETIMES IS ILLUSIONARY!!

Throughout my life I've heard compliments as, "You are one of the strongest women I know" or "I have no idea how you get through times like this." When going through trying times, sometimes it is all I can do to remind myself to breath or to force myself to get out of bed in the morning. Believe me, I deserve no recognition, unless its for not leaving my children in the grocery store when they were too young to find their own way home, or not burning our house down after crying myself to sleep while leaving a candle burning.

If you think about it, what real alternative do we have other than to go through this life and the situations it brings? It's all about choices. We can use our experiences to make us bitter or better? We can learn from what we undergo and God can turn those encounters into life-changing events for ourselves or others. I have chosen to live life outloud. YES, I struggle. YES, I fail. YES, I fall down. But, YES, I get back up. Without Jesus' grace, I don't know where I would be.


Throughout everything, God continues to bless me indeed. He has given me strength to get through what I've needed to walk through. He's given me faith to believe for what He's wanted me to believe for. He's given me staying power. He's given me hope, and joy, and love. I am blessed. I am thankful. I am thankful for two beautiful children who did not ever quit believing in me as their mom and friend. I'm thankful to be loved by a wonderful husband and hold his hand as we walk through the rest of our lives together.

I love the following verse and the way it reads. I hope it encourages you today the way it did me.


2 Cor. 12:7 - Message: My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size — abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.



Disclaimer: I'm not at all saying that in times of pain we shouldn't take time to regroup and refocus. It takes time for wounds to heal and hearts to mend. However, staying out of the race of life on a long-term basis isn't helpful for any of us, including yourself. We need each other. As the above verse encourages us all to do, let's quit focusing on the handicap and begin to appreciate the gift. All my best to each of you!!

Healing never came ... or did it?

For countless years I prayed for my former marriage to be healed. Night after sleepless night I prayed for my former husband to be healed of turmoils, addictions, pains, afflictions. I not only prayed, but I believed. I trusted God's plans for his life, for our lives. You know the verse, Jer. 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

However, making the decision to divorce was the hardest thing I have personally ever been through. Well, that was until his death. If there is a scale of hardest life experiences, I'd rank divorce and death as pretty closely related and among the toughest.

As I walk out my life, a nagging part of my heart hurts from deep within. Others share about bondages being broken, about lives being changed, about people they love being healed. These are amazing God moments and by NO means is my intent to disregard what God has done, I'm just being real by saying that sometimes, jealousy attempts to plant thoughts in my mind. Why couldn't that have happened for me, Lord? Why couldn't healing have happened for Jay?

It is then that I remember the sweet, stillness of the One who loves me so very much. He remindes me that because Jay had a relationship with Jesus, Jay is healed. Jay is free. Jay is no longer suffering.

As I look back, I have to admit that my prayers were answered, just not in the way I envisioned they would be. In Isaiah 55:8, God says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.”

In conclusion, I trust that healing DID come for Jay. I guess the next question is, when will it come for me? For the boys? We are walking this out, day by day, often times minute by minute. There are days and nights that are extremely difficult. I know that God is still in the healing business and I trust Him to finish the work that He began.

Two words. To describe. My life.

My story.
God created. Child loved.
Sin permeated. Baby conceived. Unplanned pregnancy.
Abortion option. Adoption decision. Mother presented. Mother received. Child loved.
Family birthed. Child grew. Church attended.
Dysfunction arose. Teenager rebelled. Packed belongings.
Moved out. Tough girl. Parents divorced.
Met boy. Young love. Teenage pregnancy. First marriage. New baby. Child loved.
Addictions arose. Abuse began. Honeymoon periods. Cycles continue.
Pregnancy test. New beginnings. Baby brother. Child loved.
Addictions remain. Abuse persists. Jail time. Divorce proceedings.
Single parent. Poverty impacted. Downhill spiral. Needed help.


Met Jesus.


Sins Forgiven. Chains Broken. Set Free. Accepted hope. Life abundant.
Found peace. Began Changing. Received joy. Invited Faith.
Prayers answered. Remarried husband. Family tranquil. Boys prosper.
Cycle repeats. Suicide attempt. Teen Challenge.
Debts demolished. Transformation begins. Addictions silence.
Communicate freedom. Deep breaths. Received Calling.
Aggressively attacked. Addiction rears. Promises broken. Deep pain. Divorced again.
Reconnected friend. Complete opposite. Love began. God’s gift. Summer wedding.
Boys honored. Happy days. Oldest graduates. Begins college.
Insert death. Former spouse. Extreme emotions. Roller coaster.
Jesus steady. God secure. Solid ground. Denying fear.
Trusting God. Learning profusely. Motivitating life. Changing seasons.

Being continued…

What do I smell like?

Have you even noticed after hugging someone wearing nice smelling perfume that your clothes tend to pick up their scent?? Sometimes the aroma lasts for hours and if you cross another persons path, they might say, 'Wow, you smell good' and its really not you its from the person you hugged at an earlier time.

This past Sunday at church I stood beside a woman and she looked over and said to me "you smell like smoke." Being a previous smoker myself I was at first taken aback by her comment. Earlier that morning, I had showered and did remember spraying my extra special smelly stuff on my outfit so I knew I smelled good. But then it dawned on me...I hugged a couple who use firewood as their only heat source. The wood-fire smell must have rubbed off on my clothes. Honestly, because I love these people, I loved the smell and the comment made me smile!!

However, this got me to thinking. If I smelled of smoke, I wonder if this couple smelled like me. I wonder what 'smell' I'm sharing with people. If I've been with Jesus, I want people to know, see, and smell Him on me. I want to share Jesus with the world!

Use me, Lord...whatever it takes!

Why??

Why does it take sun to make the grass grow?
Why does it take heat to make bread rise?
Why does it take pain to get our attention?
Why does it take death to change a life?


Because I knew you, I have been changed. I'm a better mother, a better wife, a better friend. I listen more. My heart has grown. Compassion cultivates within me...because of death.

Yesterday, I was able to hold a young mother who just lost her newborn baby. Though I fought back tears and sobs from deep within me, I knew.

I knew that Jesus Loves Me. Though I don't deserve this type of love, He Loves Me. It took Jesus' death to truly change my life. I'm thankful for those who have gone before me who have also helped to teach me, old and young.

I don't understand why? But I trust the One sent His Son to die for me.

Treasures of a lasting kind

I was at Target today and ran into a friend. I shared about my life over the past month. Ran into another friend. Shared with her. Purchased my items. Walked into the parking lot. Had a flashback. Lost it.

Entertained thoughts for a bit. Thoughts that didn't belong to me. Thoughts planted in my mind to cause harm, destruction, and hurt. It worked, they did....for awhile. I called a friend. She talked truth to me. Truth about God's plan for my life that include hope and a future.

We aren't promised tomorrow. I believe that before we were born, our days were numbered. If it's not my time to die, I could walk through a mine field and live. However, if it's my time, I may not get up from this computer.

All people play a role in our lives. Embrace the part they play. Learn from what their character shares with yours. The person you see today might not act totally like the part God intended for them, however, speak to the treasure that lies within.

Thank you, each one of you, for being a treasure to me!!!!

The sloppy wet kissable sinner

The song, "How He Loves" has been a staple worship song for me personally, to my family, to our church, and nationwide. The lyrics have helped us understand that God loves us, YES US!

Yet, there was always one part of the song that I didn't quite understand. I'd heard some artists perform the song differently and change the words, so that drew even more attention to this particular line for me. Here are the words to the bridge:

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
My heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way,

That He Loves Us.

As I began to think about the terminology of the sloppy wet kiss, at first I was a bit confused, but then God began to show me examples of this in my own life.

1) My post yesterday about the homeless woman I ministered to years ago. As her boyfriend has just beaten her up, I just wrapped my arms around her and loved her. As we cried together, the term "sloppy" describes this type of love to me. And I KNOW that God was there in the midst.

2) Our son, Christopher, sang this song at Jay's memorial service. This past Sunday evening at the worship service I was overcome with emotion as I heard the song again. As I sat down in my sloppyness, with tears and snot running down my face, I felt the love of Jesus wrapping his arms around me. I'd say heaven met me like a sloppy wet kiss.

3) I've been in situations before where I've had to leave someone I love for a period of time. During a goodbye, I can remember crying and not caring that our tears were mixing together. I'd say that was pretty sloppy.


So, I'm saying all that to say this: This song ministers to me. I'm a sloppy wet sinner. I don't deserve to have love graciously poured out on my life, but I do, and I'm thankful. I don't have time to think about all the wrong things I've done (and still do), when I think about the way that He loves...

He loves us, He loves us... He loves me and He loves YOU too!