R-e-s-p-e-c-t: find out what it means to HE!

To help walk through this transition time, I have begun a mentoring process with a dear friend. She offers many years of experience and lots of wisdom and spiritual maturity. I am blessed! In meeting with her recently, she sensed the Lord encourage her to share the following scripture verses from 1 Peter 3. First we read it in the NIV version, then the Message and last in the Amplified Bible. I have copied the Amplified version below. As married women, I encourage you to read, and reread the verses out loud and ask the Lord to massage this into your soul. The bold and italic emphasis in verse 2 is mine.



1 Peter 3 (Amplified Bible)

1 In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,

2 When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him--to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].

3 Let not yours be the [merely] external adorning with [elaborate] interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes;

4 But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God.

5 For it was thus that the pious women of old who hoped in God were [accustomed] to beautify themselves and were submissive to their husbands [adapting themselves to them as themselves secondary and dependent upon them].

6 It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham [following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by] calling him lord (master, leader, authority). And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you].





I have begun a word study on the words shared in Verse 2. Just what exactly does reverence mean? What about respect? As God perfectly orchestrates things, just this week I began reading a new book titled "For Women Only" by: Shaunti Feldhahn. Guess what the first chapter is about? Yep, you guessed it, RESPECT. It was eye opening for me and through confirmation after confirmation, I believe that is what I am to share about in this devotion.



In a nutshell, to share a portion of what I am learning: showing respect to my husband has NOTHING to do with how he acts or what he's done. Showing respect is not something he should earn. Showing respect to my husband is a choice I make. Sometimes, I have to consciously make a choice to respect him numerous times throughout the day, and often times, I fail and must ask forgiveness. Nonetheless, I am committed to learn and put this principle into practice.



Just as women have a basic need to feel loved, guys have a basic need to feel respected. In the aforementioned book, the author shares an experiment she observed while at a conference on relationships. The room is divided - men on one side and women on the other. The question is asked, "If you had to choose, would you rather feel alone and unloved in the world OR would you rather feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone?"



The author (who is a woman) shares that she thought to herself, "What kind of choice is that? Who would ever chose to feel unloved?" But, the responses were shocking. The majority of the men raised their hands to indicate they would rather feel alone and unloved than disrespected. Likewise, the majority of the women raised their hands to indicate that they would rather feel inadequate and disrespected than unloved.



So, I asked my husband this question, as if to prove it's validity, again, I was flabbergasted at the response. There is something to this respect thing!!



I know that for women, especially women in our circumstances, you might be asking, "but my husband has put me through so much", or "but I don't trust him", or, "he doesn't respect me, why should I respect him". I have had all of those thoughts myself. BUT, I am compelled to encourage us all to begin to show respect to our husbands, not only when he is present, but when we're talking with our friends and even as we think about them in our thoughts.

Integrity

I had been having excessive headaches and I finally heeded recommendations that, at age 34, I should have my vision checked. Bottom line, I got glasses. I have one eye that's great (20/20) and one eye that's a little off (20/40). If both my eyes were the same, that wouldn't be much of a problem. However, because one eye was over-compensating for the other one, that triggered excessive headaches for me every day.

As I brought my new "fashion statement" home, I asked the Lord to give me "His eyes". I asked Him to show me people I come into contact with throughout my day that need a smile, a touch, and some encouragement. I asked Him to show me what He sees in people, people created in His image. I asked Him to give me eyes of love as I communicate with my family during trying times. And, above all else, I asked Him to show me what He sees in me, His daughter.


Throughout the week, He has taught me many things. One of the lessons I learned was about David.

David was a man after God's own heart. Many of us have heard stories of David. At a young age he killed the mighty philistine, Goliath; he was an anointed king; as king he served God with his whole heart; he was also was a adulterer and a murderer.

YET, in the Bible in 1 Kings 9:4, as the Lord is talking with Solomon about his father David, it says: "As for you, if you walk before me in integrity of heart and uprightness, as David your father did..."

Integrity of heart?? Uprightness?? Doesn't God remember David and Bathsheba (adultery)? David and Uriah (murder)?

I looked up "integrity" in the dictionary and I found definitions like:

- adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
- the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished
- a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition

Yet, God describes David with integrity. When God exposed his sin, he repented. Not only did he repent, he got back up and continued his walk with the Lord.



Lord, I ask You to teach us about integrity. I ask that you would put a desire in us to walk in integrity of heart, not just as David did, but as your Son Jesus did as He walked this earth. I ask that if there is sin in our lives, you would convict us, forgive us, and help us to our feet once again. Lord, may You be pleased with integrity in our hearts. I ask that we begin to look at others, as well as ourselves, with Your eyes. Thank you Jesus for your Word. Amen!





Mark 12:14
They came to him and said, "Teacher, we know you are a man of integrity. You aren't swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth.

1 Chronicles 29:17
I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity.

Proverbs 13:6
Righteousness guards the man of integrity, but wickedness overthrows the sinner.

The Pain of Change

My family and I are avid roller coaster riders. We were blessed on this vacation to have opportunity to go to two different parks in Ohio that have many of the largest and fastest roller coasters in the world. The first day at one park, we rode coaster after coaster and had so much fun, even though most of our time was spent in line waiting. One of the longest lines was for this coaster called, "Millennium Force." As we raced into the corral (you know, the hurry up and wait technique), an employee at the entrance called out to me, "Ma'am, have you ridden Millennium Force yet this season?" I stopped and replied, "no". She then asked, "would you try out the chair for me" and motioned for me to have a seat in a replica of the seat for the ride.

I didn't know what to think, but as I sat down, I felt all eyes on me. She asked me to buckle the seat belt. It was at this time that I realized what I was doing in that chair. As I held the seatbelt in my hand, it ended c-l-o-s-e to where it should fasten, but it did not easily buckle around me. I'm sure I could have pushed and prodded, but honestly, that thought didn't make me feel too safe. So, I quickly got up from that chair and elected not to ride that particular ride. I sent my family on to the ride and for the next couple hours, God and I talked about what had just happened. Out of our conversation came this thought:


"When the pain of change hurts more than the pain of staying the same, most will just remain the same!"


There are hidden areas of our lives that we can keep secret from others, but God always knows. There are also areas in our lives that we try to keep secret, but our "secret" eventually gets out. For me at the amusement park that day, I could have gone on pretending that I hadn't gained weight, at least for the 1-1/2 hour wait in line before I had to get into the ride, but who was I kidding? Truth always wins!!



In sharing that, the Lord is also encouraging me to be more transparent and to share another struggle I dealt with on this trip. During our vacation, as our family continued "meshing" back together, I struggled with turning over control. Needless to say, one night I failed miserably and acted totally inapproiately. I made a decision to pick up chains that the Lord had delivered me from. In the process, I hurt my husband and my family deeply. I am not proud of my actions in the least.


Since then, I have asked for forgiveness, from my God, and then from my family. I know I am forgiven, but I struggle with forgiving myself. Some of my thoughts are, "How could I, a mature believer, return to horrible, old patterns of sin?" "I knew things would be difficult, but I thought I was the stable one!"


Much like waiting for my family on the roller coaster that day, God and I again began to talk. The Lord encouraged me to humble myself and share what happened with a few other Christians. He used these precious people to speak His truths into my life. He began to show me that I had areas pride buried in my heart. Pride like, "How could I, (holy and righteous that I am), choose to do again fall like this?" He reminded me of the scripture (Isaiah 64:6) that says, "all our righteous acts are like filthy rags".

My friends asked me if I felt condemnation or if I felt conviction. I never really understood the difference until it was explained to me this way: "Condemnation says that I AM WRONG; Conviction says the behavior is wrong." I relate to Romans 7:20 that says, "Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."



What about you? Are there areas in your life that you, too, want to change? Do you have hidden or secret sins? The Bible says in James 5:16 that we are to "confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." You don't have to continue in the pain of staying the same. Change is possible.