The church of the pretty teeth

In going through some files on my computer, I came across the following letter I wrote to a dear friend (I have changed his name to "T" for privacy). I met this man and his wife through Teen Challenge. I will never forget the experience and the impact this couple made on my life. I am grateful. I wrote to this man as he came back to the program after leaving to tend to his wife's death.

In re-reading this today, it has stoked the fire of my calling (Isaiah 61). God never ceases to amaze me with confirmation. Even now, as I am dealing with a similar situation, God is faithful to encourage me.

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June 12, 2008


To My Dear Friend 'T':

If you receive this letter, you will have made the journey back to the center. For that reason alone, our God is so proud of you.

First and foremost, I wish to offer my sincerest condolences to you and your family regarding K’s passing. I cannot imagine what you are walking through; my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Second, I wish to share a “thank you tribute,” for being a catalyst used to shape my life into what God continues to build in me today. Please allow me opportunity to explain.

I remember in the summer of 2006 when Jay was a student at Teen Challenge and he shared with me about the experience of God calling him into the ministry. I remember him talking about being in a small church in the middle of Des Moines. There were drug addicts, prostitutes, and homeless people just walking in off the street. Jay shared with me that these were the type of people the Lord was calling us to help.

I remember struggling greatly with that idea. You see, I would describe my upbringing as being raised in a “bubble.” I knew nothing of the addiction of drugs/alcohol, and truthfully, I liked it that way. As Jay shared the vision about what the Lord was calling us into, I really began to wrestle with the revelation. Don’t get me wrong, I agreed with God’s calling of Jay and I pastoring a church, but MY vision was Jay and I pastoring a church of “pretty people;” people who dressed nice; people with pretty teeth and well behaved children. People who looked much like the “bubble world” in which I grew up in. However . . .

the Lord had plans for me, plans to prosper me and plans to bring me hope and a future – Jer. 29:11

It was soon after this time that we attended a Teen Challenge Wives Weekend. I remember being blessed by being treated to dinner at the Pizza Shoppe in Pella. Jay and I sat at a table with you and K. I remember you both sharing with us what your past lives were like. I remember crying uncontrollably and having to get up from our table many times to go into the restroom to try and compose myself. The stories both of you shared honestly broke my heart because I had no idea people really lived this way. It was there, in that small pizza shop, that the Lord began to shift my paradigm. The Lord continued to speak to me throughout the drive back to the center, and the campfire later that night. It was during this campfire that I surrendered my will to His.

. . . not my will but Yours be done . . . – Luke 22:42

Our God is such a gentleman. He doesn’t force himself on anyone. He gives each of us the freedom to choose which path we are going to take. It was during the campfire that night that I burned my “innocence” before the Lord as a fragrant offering. I believe the Lord honored my obedience.

Since that weekend about a year and a half ago, the Lord continues to allow me His eyes to see hurting people. Just this past Easter, our church in St. Joseph launched the opening of a second campus called “The LifeHouse.” The LifeHouse is a 24-hour prayer room and a center for social justice located in the heart of a not-so-great part of our town. People who would never step foot into a “church” are flocking to this place for ministry; drug dealers, homeless, prostitutes, addicts, and widows. These people do not fit the “pretty church” lifestyle I envisioned, but God’s plan continues, for them, and for me.

Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I am able to minister to people in ways I never imagined. One lady, in-particular, had just been beat up by her boyfriend. Through tear filled eyes she fell into my arms, and with lice infested hair we wept together. Her snot mixed with mine as God met with us and wrapped us in a warm blanket of His love. Had my paradigm never shifted, had my heart never been broken for hurting people who did not fit into my mold, I would have missed this opportunity. I trust God would have found another vessel to use, but I am the one who would have missed out on the blessing of being used.

T, I share all of this with you to encourage you. I believe that God uses all things! Even though currently, my life isn’t what I envisioned it to be, I continue to trust God with all of it. I have learned that TRUE freedom comes when you believe God has anointed you to set the captive free, and then you realize that YOU are the prisoner!! WOW, His promises are as much for me as they are for others.

Personally, I will never forget what the Lord taught me through you and K. Thank you for being obedient and unashamed to show your scars! I just wanted to tell you, once again, how much I respect you and K and hold you both in the highest regard. In closing, I am reminded that Jesus wore scars on His body to share of His testimony (although He could have healed them, I mean, He is Jesus). It is my prayer that I will wear my scars with the same dignity as you, K and Jesus, so that He may continue to use me as a testimony to others. I thank you for sharing your experiences with me.

God Bless You during this transition time in your life!! Peace, Peace, Peace to you, my brother.

Sincerely,




T, I don't know where you are today, but I pray for you right now. Thank you for sharing your scars, allowing God to use you, and ministring to a 'pretty teethed' girl like me. You helped prepare me for today and I thank you. God Bless You!

Which weighs more - the ashes or the crown?

In reflecting, reading, and reflecting some more, I came across something. I have read this verse over and over, again and again. BUT, I'm posting it again...Isaiah 61: (the emphasis is mine)

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

the oil of joy instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.


My life hasn't always had 'easy button' opportunities. And honestly, I'm thankful for that. It is through challenges that I am who I am. BUT, through those experiences I have to ask myself this question, "Have I been giving the ashes in my life more attention than the crown?"


If driving our car represents the road through life and the rear view mirror represents the past, if we drive forward by gazing into the rear view mirror, WE WILL EVENTUALLY CRASH. The rear view mirror helps remind us of where we've been and what we've been through. If our view is of the open, large, clear windshield, the past (the rearview mirror) is a reminder of where we've been, what we've overcome, and where we're going, our future is put in better perspective.


What I'm saying is this ... YES, God has brought me through SO MUCH, and it's good to be reminded of this - but if I allow my identity to be determined by what I've been through, the ashes of my past will outweight who I've been created to be. I am a daughter of the King! I'm a precious, dear one who has been given a crown of beauty instead of ashes.

I never want to give the brokenness in my heart more weight than the fact that God can bind it up or believe that the price of freedom is too costly! Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe!

I sincerely doubt my God will ever tell me to tone it down. It is my prayer to live life out loud, even tending to small details like cleaning toilets, with my crown on!

the battle in the mind

Part of me wants to write this post without using any punctuation just to help express how my mind feels inside today. Because I'm writer, there is no way I could write that way. So, as my mother encouraged me to do as a young girl, I'll use my words instead. My mind feels unsettled, running on empty, unkept, unraveled. I find myself talking to perfect strangers because I find similiarties in our stories. I am so very thankful for their openness to share with me. Even at the risk of being termed a freak, I will continue to reach out.

I hurt. Deeply. Until yesterday I had honestly found no one who closely could relate to any of my circumstances. I mean seriously - I don't see myself sharing this story at a widows meeting. My former husband died. We'd been divorced 3 years. I'm now 1-1/2 years happily married to a wonderful man who is also processing and leading; untimely death is almost unbearable.

I cared about my former husband so much but because of his actions had to utilize boundaries. The question someone asked and wrote on an online forum, "If he had a family, why was he living in a homeless area?" attempts to haunt me as I sleep.

As I had to remind people when I remarried the man a second time, YES, I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED! However, I sincerely feel my choices were God ordained. Looking back, I would not have changed a thing! Nothing. I am the woman I am today because of my past choices, both good and bad; my actions, both right and wrong. THANK GOD for His forgiveness and grace!!

And now....I stand again at that same place, except I lack the courage I once felt. I feel fragile and defenseless. As a person who normally has it all together, these feelings are so foreign to me. I pray against bitterness, but I feel it attempting to take root.

I am positive there are lessons for me to learn. I trust God to teach me, day by day. Even as I sleep at night and lay myself down in Jesus arms, I trust Him to show me His plans.

Tucker

I don't think I've ever written about my buddy, Tucker. Tucker came into my life soon after Andy did. I wish I could say it was love at first sight, but, since all Tucker knew was time alone with Andy, he didn't like to share Andy. There were some jealousy issues to overcome, and even to this day, we are still working on some things. I have to admit, I called him "Tucker, with an 'F'" for the longest time.

However, in the past 2 years, I have grown very fond of Tucker. I understand why people say dogs are mans best friends. Tucker always comes to greet me at the end of a long day. He listens to me when I need to talk, no matter if its 3:00 am, AND he never shares what we talk about. He sleeps under the covers with me at night and helps me feel safe. Tucker follows me everywhere I go in the house; we are inseperable. Tucker even has his own Facebook page. :)

I love Tucker.

Orphans / Widows / Homeless / Loveless

James 1:27 NIV Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.


I had read this passage before, but never in the Message. I found it absolutely beautiful. Take a peek:


James 26-27 The Message: Anyone who sets himself up as "religious" by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world.



I want real. I want to crush the fake masks that parade up and down the aisles of our churches. However, I stand GUILTY of one who has worn a mask at times. A mask of false identity. "How are you Jody?" "Oh, just fine," I smile, although inside I am aching.

My former husband, my children's father, has died. Am I now called a widow and they termed orphans? Through the tragedy of this situation I have been introduced to people I normally would have never known. The world calls these dear ones homeless. By the sheer grace of God, I have been honored to share a meal and sit beside these precious ones in church. I count it a privilege.

In the above passages, God refers to orphans and widows, homeless and loveless in the same scripture references. I wholeheartdly ask myself what do these have in common? And, in turn, how are they like me?

Although, I am remarried, by some standards, I could be considered a widow in some people's eyes. Although, some of my new precious friends don't live in a home made of wood and steel, by some standards those dear ones are considered homeless. I BEG TO DIFFER -- If we are God's Children, bought with a price, GOD CALLS US EACH BY NAME! He knows the number of hairs on our heads! If He knows if a single sparrow falls to the ground, we are considered PRECIOUS in His sight!! We are adopted into His family.

One thing I've learned through this process is to be careful what labels I place on people. God is challenging me to look through His eyes and to see what He sees. Beauty, Love, Child, Friend, Worth...and His list goes on and on...

May my heart always be such a tender place...

Grief

Grief. There, I said it. The loss of a loved one. The death of former husband. However, a month ago, I really didn't know what it was nor the feelings that would come along as a result.

Grief has no time limits; no push buttons; no on/off switch. I've given myself the permission to grieve at any time, day or night. My feelings are my feelings. Grief takes no shape or no boundary. I feel what I feel, no more - no less.

I have found that in the midst of grieving, my level of compassion has deepened. The intense love that I hold for people far outweighs anything I thought I had ever known or felt before. As I have honestly felt God holding me in His hand at times, a burning desire has ignited inside me to share His love with others.

Jesus' death changed our world and paid for my sins. Jay's death is challenging me personally. I have been studying Heaven. I am amazed at how very little I know about the place. I continue to believe that God is preparing me for the place He has prepared for me.

In the meantime, as far as preparations go, I will love as He loves. The rest will take care of itself...for LOVE conquers all!!


For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:38-39

Do you hear what I hear??

Sounds are all around us each and everyday. Lately, I’ve been more aware of sounds than ever before. The sound of my cat purring as I rub his chin, the sound of the boys’ laughter as it swells from the basement, the sound of the garage door when someone is a few minutes late coming home, the sound of Andy snoring while he is sleeping peacefully. Sounds I used to dismiss and pay no attention to, I am becoming evermore aware of.


The sound of one of my precious boys thanking me for fixing dinner, the sound of the guitar as it is played and practiced upon by one that I love, the sound of my phone ringing as a friend calls.


In one of the many cards we received from the past few weeks, there was a familiar scripture, “Be still and know that I am God.” Honestly, at the time I read this scripture it really pissed me off (can I say that??) Be STILL?? I sure felt still. I felt helpless, powerless, weak, and vulnerable. My mind raced a hundred miles an hour. However…be STILL? As time has gone by, my attitude and feelings have changed, I have found that STILLNESS as I have quieted myself inwardly. I really can hear the intended still sounds, the sweet sound of His still, small voice. Peace. Laughter. The garage door. The cat purring. Friendship. Love. Life.

What are you listening to?

Change...

Wow, So much has changed since my last update here. I don't even know if anyone blogs anymore. Nonetheless, writing is like a therapy for me. I've been through enough therapy in my life to know that with therapy comes healing, so (deep breath), my therapy is beginning...again.

Jay passed away. Reports say that it was carbon monoxide poisioning. As hard as that is to wrap my mind around, the thought of peaceful sleep brings solice. The circumstances surrounding his death have brought about a media freenzy. Reporters even showed up at the memorial service.

Having never dealt with grief on this level, at one week and 3 days under my belt at the time of this writing, I do agree with others that time does help. Still, it is hard.

My new husband, Andy, is such a dear man. Who would have thought that after a year and a half of marriage, we would be walking through this? The boys are dealing with their own set of feelings. Together, we are studying "Heaven" and what a beautiful place that is. Also, in Jay's honor, we are preparing a city-wide coat/blanket outreach.

Life, as we all have known it, has changed. In a way, time has sped up but also there are moments where time has ticked and ticked, and minute by minute we have just survived the day.

All in all, I KNOW God has a plan....still!