Hopeless
Have you ever felt hopeless? Has your situation ever looked hopeless? Raising two teenage boys right now sure has it's feelings of hopelessness. We have had some intense struggles recently. On Sunday, Boston invited me to play minature golf with him. He even paid for our game with tickets he had received for his birthday. We had a wonderful time together, laughing, sharing and just hanging out with each other. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Later that evening though, he and I butted heads about bedtime. In his teenage-ness, he said, "You know, the entire time I was playing golf with you this afternoon, I FAKED IT! I hate being with you!"
My feelings were crushed! The pain in my emotions ran deep. I never expected that! I felt hopeless; at times, our situation feels hopeless. I am thankful I know that my "feelings" do not dictate the "facts." I know our situation isn't hopeless, I just "felt" that way.
Hopeful
As some of you may know, Jay received the knowledge of his Completion Date. Shortly, my husband will be returning home to continue on with this journey. Together, we will begin a new chapter, hopeful. Fears try to rise in me, but the Lord gently reminds me HE will not give me more than I can handle.
I remember plainly the day Jay first arrived at Teen Challenge. I was anything but hopeful. The past weeks had been packed full of drug and alcohol abuse, suicide attempts, broken promises, rage, hurt, despair, and heartbreak. We made the 3-hour drive to Colfax mostly in silence. I was emotionally exhausted, yet prepared to make final decisions about the outcome of our marriage once again. As we walked through the doors of the center, I participated on a tour of the facility, but I was anxious to leave. No contact for 2 weeks seemed the only hope I had.
Little did I know the full extent that God working. If we let Him, He does take our broken hopes and dream and turn them around for His glory. My favorite book of the bible is Isaiah and one of my favorite passages is Isaiah 61:4 where it talks about rebuilding the ancient ruins, restoring the places long devastated, and renewing the cities that have been devastated for generations. So much has taken place since the day we first walked into Teen Challenge. God has used my hopelessness and restored my hope. Praise the Lord!
Hope "IN"
The Lord has been challenging me recently to think about where my hope lies. About 3 weeks ago, I was driving down the street. Thoughts crossed my mind, "What if Jay doesn't finish Teen Challenge? "What if he returns to the old patterns?" I wasn't for sure where those thoughts came from, "Was it the enemy?" or "Was it my own fears?" Still to this day, I cannot be certain of the origin. BUT, I can say with clarity that the Lord used these thoughts to teach me. Where was my hope? What was I hoping "IN"?? Is my hope for the future wrapped up in the choices my husband makes, like whether or not he completes this program, or whether or not he returns to the old patterns, or is my hope IN the Lord?
I, then, heard that still, small voice, "I have plans for YOU, Jody Rhoden, plans to prosper YOU, plans to give YOU HOPE and a FUTURE!" I pondered that for a moment. NO WHERE in that promise does God say His plans for ME are contingent upon OTHERS choices. I had to make a decision that day, however difficult it seemed, that regardless of the choices my husband made, past, present, or future, I would continue on the path God had for ME. That thought is sobering, but true.
In the NIV version of the Bible alone, the words "hope in" are found 31 times. I will list a few:
Psalm 31:24
Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.
Psalm 119:74
May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word.
Psalm 119:114
You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.
Psalm 147:11
the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.
Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Whether you feel hopeless or hopeful right now, the question I pose to you today is...
"What is your Hope IN??"
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