For countless years I prayed for my former marriage to be healed. Night after sleepless night I prayed for my former husband to be healed of turmoils, addictions, pains, afflictions. I not only prayed, but I believed. I trusted God's plans for his life, for our lives. You know the verse, Jer. 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
However, making the decision to divorce was the hardest thing I have personally ever been through. Well, that was until his death. If there is a scale of hardest life experiences, I'd rank divorce and death as pretty closely related and among the toughest.
As I walk out my life, a nagging part of my heart hurts from deep within. Others share about bondages being broken, about lives being changed, about people they love being healed. These are amazing God moments and by NO means is my intent to disregard what God has done, I'm just being real by saying that sometimes, jealousy attempts to plant thoughts in my mind. Why couldn't that have happened for me, Lord? Why couldn't healing have happened for Jay?
It is then that I remember the sweet, stillness of the One who loves me so very much. He remindes me that because Jay had a relationship with Jesus, Jay is healed. Jay is free. Jay is no longer suffering.
As I look back, I have to admit that my prayers were answered, just not in the way I envisioned they would be. In Isaiah 55:8, God says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.”
In conclusion, I trust that healing DID come for Jay. I guess the next question is, when will it come for me? For the boys? We are walking this out, day by day, often times minute by minute. There are days and nights that are extremely difficult. I know that God is still in the healing business and I trust Him to finish the work that He began.
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